Monday, August 16, 2004


Everything Important has moved to

Friday, July 30, 2004

Keep Your Poodles, We Have Courtney Love

Poodle or Uber-Poodle?

The above picture was taken yesterday in Chongqing, a large metropolis located in southwestern China.

 While the notion of seeing two poodles together is disturbing enough, even more unsettling is the possibility that the Chinese are light years ahead of Americans in complex field of orange dog technology. What’s next? Nuclear fucking weapons?

More importantly, back here in the U to the Izz-A, Our Courtney has temporarily finagled herself out of a trip to the Los Angeles County Jail. At least the U.S. is still beating the world in terms of celebrity trainwrecks. Hey China! There’s only one
Courtney Love and we’ve got her!

Related Nonsense:
Courtney Love Drug and Legal Defense Fund

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Nerds Revealed!

Prince is clearly not a geek.
Just in case you were wondering which notables are the cool kids and which ones are the dorks, Wired Magazine has published a handy Geek Power Grid in the August issue to help you from accidentally putting Stephen Hawking and Liz Phair into the same social circle.

The grid places about a hundred power players at a specific point in each quadrant to accurately convey their overall degree of dorkiness, nerdiness, coolness and wonkability.

While the GPG might be useful to the type of person who likes to keep tabs on the A-list, it is not without flaws. For instance, Al Franken really needs to back his ass over to the uncool side of the geek border.

Slight failings notwithstanding, the GPG is generally on target - and now we know who is next on the list for a big fat wedgie. (Hint: Somebody tell Bill Gates to watch out.)

Political Gambling Update: Kerry Bangs in Boston

John Kerry preparing for an aesthetic enhancement?
The first of the two political orgies slated for the summer is in full swing at the Fleet Center in Boston. With John Edwards having already been tapped to run alongside John Kerry and part-time actor Ben Affleck having firmly established himself as the official Democratic Party Celebrity Posse Member, the big political gambling action turns to focus on the heavyweight contenders, John Kerry and George Bush.  

Currently, gambling exchange
Tradesports has W in leading John Kerry in the race for President by the thinnest of margins.

While it is too early to make any definitive calls on the election outcome, the current Tradesports line begs the question: Are Americans really ready to dump our President for somebody that
has received botox injections on a regular basis?

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Courtney Love Drug and Legal Defense Fund

Courtney Love needs your help!

Our Courtney has gone and got herself into a whole heap of trouble for doing what she does best: Just being Courtney.
When our favorite fugitive finally pokes her head out from hiding, she is going to need loads of support from her friends and fans. Not the type of support that comes from care and understanding, but the type of support that can actully buy her the stuff she needs the most, specifically, drugs and legal services.
With your donation we can provide Courtney  with the financial assistance necessary to purchase all of the lawyers and OxyContin she needs to keep herself totally unstable. Even a donation as small as ONE DOLLAR can help get Courtney one step closer to the place we all need her the most, back in the public eye.

I want to buy Courtney drugs!
I want to buy Courtney lawyers!

Thursday, July 22, 2004

P to the Heiress Hizilton?

Somwhere, Tommy Mottola is kicking himself for missing out on Paris.

Has hip-hop impresario Lil’ Jon discovered his muse?
MTV Europe and AllHipHop News both report that the purveyor of all things crunk is currently producing the upcoming Paris Hilton album. 

The pairing hardly equals strange bedfellows.

A closer examination of the lyrics from the Lil’ Jon song
“Get Low” suggests that Paris might be the talent Lil’ Jon has always dreamed of: 

Lil Jon and the East side boys wit me/we all like to see ass and tities… Now bring yo ass over here hoe/let me see you get low if you want…Now take it to the floor/take it to the floor/and if yo ass wanta act you can keep yo ass where you at… 
Rumors abound that Paris is going to rap on the album, however that gossip has not yet been shizzolated.

Related Nonsense:
Tommy Mottola Signs Next Wife

Fashion Alert: Children You Can’t Kill

A Japanese clothing company called Madre has created a line of clothing for children that is knife resistant. Maybe we’re wrong, but if this knife resistant clothing thing catches on, parenting is going to become much, much more difficult.
Somebody contact Anna Wintour before this becomes an epidemic.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Donate to Courtney Love!

Donate to Courtney Love by clicking on the PayPal link below. Please, help Courtney help get the drugs and lawyers she needs to guide her through these trying times.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Jailhouse Gone Wild

Undoubtedly, this story has already been recorded as a country western song. If it hasn't, and Johnny Cash isn't already too dead, please wake him and ask the man in black to report to the recording studio pronto. Otherwise, we're stuck with Garth Brooks and nobody really wants that.

Pamela Anderson: Not Fiction

Pamela Anderson is the first former Baywatch star to debut a novel.

Somewhere, in a parallel universe, Jessica Simpson is crushing Ken Jennings at Jeopardy!, Mary-Kate Olsen is recovering from gastric bypass sugery and Courtney Love runs a treatment center.     

Pretty whack huh?

Luckily, we live in a normal dimension where playmate Pamela Anderson is poised to become a literary lion.